Nursery Bedding

Well...the holiday break from school has allowed me endless hours to lie on the couch and search for baby bedding. Upon searching through my options I found a few sets on target.com that were relatively gender neutral AND on clearance! I showed them to BJ and we decided that we'd use money we received for Christmas gifts from my parents to purchase the bedding set. As it was on clearance, my fear was that it would not be around by the time I have a shower. Now we're waiting for it's arrival and then we can make decisions on how to paint the nursery. Fun!

The Pencil Test

This past weekend we traveled home for the holiday festivities. In some instances, it was the first time we'd seen family since becoming pregnant and it was nice to share updates with everyone. While at the Goodner family Christmas party, some of our family members were asking if we were going to find out Baby T's gender, and we told them we didn't think so. A cousin mentioned that we should do the pencil test. The entire family was instantly excited, and started sharing their own experiences with this "research based" (insert sarcasm) test. A needle and string are inserted into the eraser of a pencil and then this small gadget is held above your wrist. Based on the way in which it twists and turns about, you are able to tell the number of children you will have, as well as the gender of each child in order. We allowed ourselves to be party entertainment to discover that we're going to have FOUR GIRLS! It was rather interesting that this test revealed the same results for both BJ and I...a good thing however. So, only time will tell if this test is accurate. I'm quite skeptical myself, but BJ was pretty shocked that the results were the same for each of us. I think we both were a bit freaked out at the possibility of four children, not just that they were all girls. Poor Grandpa Ralph left the room upon hearing the results and said they were incorrect. Only time will tell...

The Nursery Starts to Take Shape

We received a call from Babies R Us and the furniture had arrived. Our only dilemma was how to pick all of it up since we don't have a truck. Fortunately, Papa and Nana Jennings came to the rescue. BJ had to work, so the three of us headed over to Fairview Heights on a Friday evening after work to make the pick-up. I must admit that I felt like Sanford and Sons as they loaded three enormous boxes into the back of my pops truck. We strapped them down and headed back home. We didn't get to unload everything until the next morning when BJ was home. It felt like Christmas waiting for them to set everything up. They just had to assemble the crib, as the two dressers came fully assembled. I was sort of anxious because the ratings on Babies R Us had indicated concerns by other parents-to-be that there were pieces missing and it took longer than two hours! I shouldn't have questioned our team's ability because the crib was together in no time. So exciting! Now I'm even more anxious to figure out the bedding so we can paint the walls. :)

A nice surprise...*14 weeks, 1 day*

Today was my typical monthly check-up with the doctor. I had some anxiety about going because I'm tired of thinking about the cyst situation, and I'm desperate for answers. Unfortunately, I was sure they weren't going to address it today since they said I'd have the Level 2 sonogram at 18-20 weeks. The appointment today was primarily to complete paperwork. The nurse practitioner asked about hearing the heart beat at 10 weeks and I told her we had been unable to....so, she offered to let me have a quick sono and see the baby instead of searching for the heart beat! I was so excited, although felt bad because BJ hadn't been able to make this appointment and I told him he wouldn't be missing out on anything. Baby T has changed so much! I could immediately see the profile of Baby T's face...so sweet. We also looked at the fluttering of the heart which was 140-150 bpm. Baby T was actually pretty active, and we could see him spinning. I wish BJ could have been there.

Still no news on the cyst...my patience is being tried. I just want answers. They'll be calling this week to schedule the Level 2 sono at St. Mary's in Clayton around the 18th week. Before my next appointment, I have to go give the standard prenatal blood work. I also opted to have the cystic fibrosis testing done. I guess it will just prepare us if there are any concerns. I'm still not going to do any of the genetic testing at this point. I'd rather wait and see the results of the sono.

I think the time will go by quickly with the holidays, and we'll have the sono before I know it. I can't wait!!!

Our First Official Baby Purchase

Nothing says, "Happy 5th Anniversary" like making your first major purchase as parents. We decided since BJ had the day off to head over to Babies R Us and check out some furniture for the nursery. We weren't sure we were going to make a purchase, but the time seemed right. We drove to South County so we could have a bigger selection, and discovered there was just one set we could really agree on. We both knew we wanted dark wood...I wanted simple, contemporary lines and BJ wanted something that would convert into a toddler and full size bed down the road. Once we started talking to the sales staff, we discovered we could save some dough with two 15% off coupons and additional 10% by opening a Babies R Us card. We purchased three pieces...the crib, five drawer chest, and changing table combo. We came home and double checked the measurements, and decided which of our spare rooms would be the nursery. Now we're just waiting for the furniture to arrive. Unfortunately, I decided that now I'm now in love with the bedding I originally chose. So...more decisions to make. I just want everything to be perfect!

Making Decisions

I've been anxious to figure out how I want to decorate the nursery, but felt as though I was having difficulty finding something that I thought was gender neutral. At this point we're still not planning on finding out the sex of the baby. However, it only makes sense to decorate the room so that it can be used for future babies as well. That being said, I think I've found it! I'm so excited. I'm going to paint the walls the coordinating green and strip them white with circles like the comforter. I think it is going to be adorable! Our next job is to figure out furniture for the nursery. It's sort of fun making all these plans, although I think figuring out the registry is going to be a chore.

And the wait goes on...

Well, I had hoped for more definitive answers today following my OB check at my local doctor's office. Unfortunately, this was not the case. I guess I can understand it, but it seems my cyst is a situation which people know little about and there isn't much that can be done to deal with it. The practitioner consulted with my doctor, and then came back to chat with us. She shared that in most cases it isn't something to be concerned with and that they typically disappear. They're recommending that we wait to have a sonogram until 18-20 weeks. I was hesitant about this decision as the doctor at Washington University had recommended 11 weeks. It just feels SO far away, and I want answers now. I can acknowledge that by having the ultrasound too early, I may still have concerns if it hasn't had time to "disappear."

Apparently, they will refer us to St. Mary's (I'm assuming this is another local hospital, but I honestly don't know) for a level 2 sonogram which is able to examine the baby with more detail. She said there really wasn't any reason to do it sooner if we weren't open to having amniocentesis. Based on the research I've read, I'm not currently willing to undergo the amnio due to the associated side effects although this is the only test that could confirm with 100%certaintyty if there is a chromosomal abnormality. The doctor shared that a baby has a better chance of living outside the womb at 24 weeks, and it would make more sense to consider this test at that point anyhow. She had a lengthy discussion with us regarding genetic testing to confirm the possibility of a chromosomal abnormality, and just the mention of Trisomy 18 caused me to burst into tears. I fear my doctors aren't always prepared for dealing with me. At this point we're unsure if we want to complete the genetic testing. We know we would not terminate the baby, and often times these tests given inaccurate information which could lead to more unwarranted worries. We have some time to make our decision.

I'm really hoping and wishing with all my might that this cyst will just go away! I almost picture myself visualizing it leaving. I realize this is slightly ridiculous, but it helps to lift my spirits. I'd been doing well the past couple of weeks, but have found myself feeling emotional about the situation as the current doctor's appointment became near.

I made all of my appointments until one week past my due date (6/17). Let's hope I don't use that last one! :)

Reflection...

The past couple of days had been pretty hard, as my head was swarming with the negative things I'd read on the internet about umbilical cord cysts. I guess all I can say is that sometimes you just need a good cry. Initially, I was sure I didn't want to discuss the situation with anyone, but quickly discovered that it was the only thing that was going to make me feel better. As a result, I spent some time typing e-mails, making phone calls, and chatting with co-workers amidst tears. I'm feeling better now and I'm in a better place to focus on the positives. Sometimes the negatives are just so overwhelming. It was a beautiful fall weekend and I was surrounded by those that I love. I know no matter what that everything will work out the way it is intended and I truly believe that everything is going to be alright.

Here are some e-mails I received from family that helped me feel better...

Papa Jennings:
First of all, that is a beautiful baby. I can't say for sure which one of you it most resembes, but, at this point, I think it looks a bit like me. I was a very cute baby you know.

Needless to say, I have been overworking my computer to increase my knowledge or, in this case, gain some knowledge of things of which I know nothing. I come away with the positive understanding that cysts on umbilical cords are rare but not uncommon. The majority of them go away after the first trimester and have no effect on the baby. I know you have researched this too, but I have to share with someone. We will be anxiously awaiting the results of the next sonogram. If the cyst remains, we will be anxious to know the cysts size and proximity to the fetal or placental insertion. These items seem to effect the degree of possibility of an abnormality.

In any case, the research reminded me of the time spent at the computer after you made the call to us about Sienna. Fear, wonder, and tears have long been washed away by the love she has brought to our lives. Our love for you and BJ is flowing more heavily than usual today. We will hold on to all the positive, happy thoughts we can muster for our Grandbaby Thomason. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! That is just a little hug to hold you over until I can give you a big one soon.

By the way, have a HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! We will be thinking of you on your special day.

LOVE,
Dad

Uncle Bryan:
Hang in there sis! You can only think positively right now (even though it is near impossible to not let it consume every minute of every day). I'll be sending happy thoughts your way. I can remember how tough the whole process was and all of the different emotions that came with every passing month (or even day). I have no doubt that your experience will end better than mine!Love ya,Bryan

Aunt Pam: (she thinks we'll name the baby after beer like the dogs)
Well I have been thinking about little Budweiser. One thing you need to remember is 80%. That is the number of healthy births with a cyst on the cord. During Sienna's first surgery she had a 85% chance of doing fine, and she did outstanding. Try not to worry about little Mojito. Nobody in this world fights harder than a baby. They are tough and they make adults look like wimps.

Pam

My Little Gummy Bear *8 weeks, 2 days*

We had another follow-up appointment at Washington University today. It was really amazing to see how much the baby has changed in just two short weeks (now 18.1 mm). The baby is developing its arm and leg buds at this point. It even appears that the baby has chubby cheeks and a pudgy little belly. The ultrasound tech was telling us how cute our baby was. I told her she must tell everyone that, and she said that our baby is more photogenic than most. I sort of think the baby looks like a gummy bear right now, and we were giggling about the membrane surrounding the baby because it looks like "bubble boy." I guess humor is important through this process. The heart rate was normal (176 bpm), and they used color technology to show us the blood flow to the heart. Technology is pretty amazing!

We were feeling relatively relieved (or at least I know I was) until we met with the doctor. She said the baby is developing normal, but there is a cyst on my umbilical cord. The doctor said that she consulted with her partner and they felt that there wasn't anything to worry about, but she would be sending a note to my local doctor that I needed to have another sonogram at approximately 11 weeks to examine the cyst. She also commented that with increased technology they are able to do genetic testing at that point and examine the folds on the back of the neck. I've been pretty upset, and spent the afternoon crying and sleeping. I looked up information when I got home, and much like most research there is mixed information. Some articles stated that these cysts disappear by the second trimester and there is no negative impact. Another study said that if the cyst persists into the second trimester (and also depending on the location of the cyst), that 20% of the births result in chromosomal abnormalities (specifically trisomy 13 and 18).

Sometimes it's hard to imagine life just with the addition of a baby, let alone a baby with special needs. It would have been irresponsible to not acknowledge that things could potentially go awry, but it's still really hard hearing it. My hopes are that the cyst will either disappear in the next few weeks, or we'll be in the fortunate 80% that go on to have a typically developing baby.

I've been anxious throughout this process in general, but was relieved to see Baby T again today. Everything is developing normally and the doctor said that once a baby makes it to 8 weeks with a strong heart beat, there is only a 5% chance of miscarriage. I know the next few weeks are going to be difficult, but I have to keep telling myself that the next ultrasound will reveal that everything is perfect!

Baby T's first photo shoot....*6 weeks/1 day*

Yesterday was our first sonogram and we're happy to report that the doctor said everything looks great! Baby T is still pretty small, only 1/5 of an inch long. Just being able to see and hear that little thumping heart beat made everything seem more real. His heart beat was 115 beats per minute, which is right where it should be. BJ was pretty quiet through the process, and I could tell he was really taking everything in. I know he is very excited, and sometimes it can be hard to express that much emotion. He was very supportive and held my hand throughout the sonogram. We called our parents to fill them in on the news, and interestingly, both of our mothers asked if there was just one baby. As we did use fertility drugs, it had crossed our minds that it could be a possibility. That being said, we have just one little sweet pea that will be entering our lives in a few months. Our next sonogram is in two weeks, October 30th. As long as everything goes well, we'll be released from Washington University back to our local doctor. It's sort of bitter sweet, as I feel comfortable with our doctor at Wash U and feel as though she was the only person in a very long time that really listened to my concerns. Without her, I fear we may not be pregnant now. However, I know that being released means that things are progressing as they should.

Coming Out!

Well....against my better judgement, we've come out! It's SO early in this process, but two blood tests have shown a positive pregnancy. It's just too exciting to contain that kind of information from the people that we love and care about. After taking 15 months for this to FINALLY happen, it just makes you want to scream it at the top of a mountain.

We'd already told immediate family, and while everyone was very happy for us and super supportive, these are some of our favorite comments to remember:

Grandpa Jennings: When asked to keep the news to himself until further notice, he said he'd tell others that the goofy smile on his face was gas.

Grandpa Thomason: He said he couldn't talk because he was smiling so big!

Uncle Darrin: He told BJ that he knew he had it in him.

Uncle Bryan: He told Addison that she was going to have a new cousin and he said her head spun around and her eyes got big.

It really is an indescribable feeling to tell everyone about such a momentous event! We're truly blessed to have such amazing friends and family!

You're going to be a daddy!!! (9/30/08)

BJ came home last night around midnight. I frantically made sure both the dogs had on their special attire. I grabbed the camera and thought it’d be fun to record the event. Dunkel rushed toward the door to greet BJ and Guinners followed. I went around the corner myself to catch him leaning over to read their bandanas. He looked up at me and smiled. I told him, “you’re going to be a daddy!” We hugged and BJ said, “I told you I had a feeling.” I shared that he had hoped his surprise text would be that I was pregnant. He opened up his gift box and giggled at my “sticks.” I told him he needed to keep June 9th free. This prompted him to think about our child’s zodiac sign, which sort of surprised me. He and the baby will both be Gemini’s. We sat on the couch for a bit and I even showed him some baby bedding that I’ve already been checking out. We also reviewed our baby names spread sheet. I think it is going to be a REALLY tough decision!

Today I had a surprise for myself in store. My school secretary buzzed my office and asked if I had a few minutes. I told her I had a couple of minutes and headed up to the office thinking there must be a child in a melt down or something. To my surprise, I was greeted by a dozen red roses with a card that simply read, “I love you!” This did put me in a bit of a predicament as this lead my co-workers to ask the typical questions, “Is it your birthday?”…” Is it your anniversary?” I told them I guessed that it was just because. When I walked past the BD classroom with my roses, the kiddos instantly noticed. One of them was sitting at his desk with his mouth gaping open. Another said, “Mrs. Thomason has a secret admirer.” Their teacher said, “I hope it’s Mr. Thomason.” When I returned later for group, the teacher said, “Are you knocked up?” I was unable to hide it and swore him to secrecy.

Right after school I went for my blood test. My doctor’s office said that my test needed to be over 100. I don’t even know what she was referring to. I guess I’ll find out tomorrow. I’ll take another blood test a week from today and the number needs to have doubled. I guess they’re just making sure that it is a strong pregnancy, or at least that is what they said. The following week I get to have my first ultrasound! Things are so exciting right now!!!

Am I really? (9/29/08)

What a day! I started feeling some anxiety as I knew that my cycle was coming to an end, although I felt like Aunt Flow was coming as normal. My friend Amanda sent me a text essentially asking me if I had taken a test. I thought this was humorous because I had been at work for over an hour. There wasn’t much I was going to do about it at that point. I hadn’t taken a test because it was still technically one more day until I should test. Her texts became more persistent and I found out after school this was because her co-workers at BASSC who knew of my struggles were anxious to know. We discussed it but I was convinced to wait until the next day. At 7:47 pm, I received a text that simply said, “well?” I gave into the pressure and headed to the bathroom. I was even talking out loud to myself commenting that it was ridiculous that I was going against my gut instincts and that I knew I couldn’t be pregnant. Well….minutes later I found out that I AM! I’m still in shock and I’m not sure I believe it. After such a long wait, it’s so hard to believe that it has finally happened!!! I was shaking all over and I wanted to take a picture. I started crying, and went back to the test three times to confirm that it actually said pregnant. Then I grabbed the package and read the instructions again…this is quite ridiculous because the screen says PREGNANT! It’s just crazy! I decided I had to text Amanda back a message with the result because she had received texts from when I ovulated. I sent the message and sat on the floor to hug Guinness while I cried. My phone rang and Amanda was screaming. I couldn’t even understand her. I told her to calm down because it wasn’t good for J.R. (her baby which is due about a month from now). I finally could make out her saying, “Kelly is pregnant!” She was crying too! While I wanted to tell BJ first, I had to tell her because I wouldn’t have even tested without her persistence. I instantly set to work to have a creative way to tell the daddy to be. I put “the stick” in a shiny gift box with a note on top that said, “Surprise for Daddy.” Then, I hopped in the car and ran to Wal-Mart to grab some materials for a craft project. I found some iron on letters and made bandanas for Guinness and Dunkel that read, “Big Bro.” After I was finished, I decided to confirm the earlier test and took a second. Yep, still pregnant… I sent BJ a text and told him that I had a surprise for him and he needed to hurry home. I wonder if he has any idea. It’s not atypical for me to send him messages like that if I’ve gotten him a new shirt at the store or made ice cream or something. Only time will tell…I may try to record his reaction. The plan is to release the dogs when he comes inside. I can’t imagine how he is going to react. I think he will cry…

At this point, I really want to call my doctor and find out what needs to happen next. The news will be kept on the down low. I’m thinking of making cards on Kodak.com for the ‘rents. Other than immediate family I’m hesitant to tell others just in case there are complications.

15 Appears to be My Number...the Question is, "Will it be LUCKY?"

Well...no success this last month. I took another round of Clomid and was happy to see that smiling face again yesterday. It's nice to be "regular."

This morning I recalled a story that the father of one of BJ's friends told him. He swears that by conceiving on the 15th day of a woman's cycle you will definitely have boys. He reported that he wanted boys and by following this logic, he had two boys himself. Personally, I've sort of always seen myself having three boys. I'm not sure why and really don't have a logical answer except I really don't think I'd be good at doing hair. I'm just not that girly. However, I really never expected this process to take this long and I'd just be happy with a baby at this point. It's sort of funny because BJ leans toward wanting a girl. Go figure.

We have some pressure from BJ's dad in particular to have a boy. BJ's two older brother's both have two daughters each, and BJ is their last chance at carrying on the family name. BJ's mom has shared a Chinese Conception Calendar with us. Apparently you can determine the sex of your child based on the age of the mother and the month of the year. If we were to get pregnant this month, it says boys. It's funny to learn about all of the methods for determining the sex of the baby (i.e., the pencil test). My fear is that once we're pregnant, these will be our only method for having some idea. When my friend Amanda got pregnant, she and her husband decided they'd rather not know the sex in advance. BJ shared that he "did not blame them." I was shocked. He said he felt it would be a nice surprise. Let's face it, I'm a planner. It may be a struggle.

Speaking of planning, for my own selfish reasons, it'd be REALLY nice to get pregnant this month. I'd be due in June and have the entire summer to spend with the baby without dipping into my sick days. I guess sometimes things don't just work out because of convenience though. Work has been very stressful lately, and I worry how that impacts me. I'm trying to take one day at a time and not let things get me too upset. That's sort of a challenge for me. I guess we all have things we need to work on though.

*sigh*

I'm feeling very anxious today...tomorrow is the 28th day of this cycle and I'm becoming antsy about taking a pregnancy test. Of course, I've gotten out the package and read the instructions even though I've used them before. The reason I decided I wanted to reread and educate myself is because I wanted to know how soon I could test. Apparently, with this brand, I could test up to four days before my missed period. Thus, I could technically test today and the test would be 95% accurate. My biggest concern is that I'm not always "regular" and even though I've followed a more typical pattern lately, I'd hate to take the test and it be a false negative because I wasn't patient. That would be just too crushing, so I'm mustering up all my strength to just wait it out. It's really exciting though to think that I might actually be pregnant. I know if I'm not I'll be a little crushed, but it just means we try again this next month.

I can't help but start thinking about how I woud break the news to BJ, or my friends and family. I've got a few ideas up my sleeve...of course, I guess that news will follow later. Right now I'm just hoping with all my might that the next test shows a positive and I can take another pee stick picture. Hehe!

The waiting game...

I ovulated!!! Woo hoo! Part of me is telling myself that this is far too much information for the rest of the world, but it's just so darn exciting! With all my might I'm attempting to not be a pessimist, but I think it's natural to have a bit of negativity that things might just not work out. It helps to keep reality from being too much to handle. That being said, it really happened! I took Clomid and began tracking my ovulation on day 10 of my cycle. When day 14 passed, I began to get a bit more anxious as those "text book" girls would have ovulated at that point. We've added a new addition to our family, our puppy Dunkel, and he's been keeping us pretty busy. On the morning of August 2oth (day 15), BJ headed outside with Guinness and Dunkel for their morning potty routine and I headed to the bathroom crossing my fingers that I'd see the "smiley face" indicating I had ovulated. I carried the test to the kitchen with me and began taking care of the dogs with BJ. After a few minutes, I realized I hadn't checked the test yet. To my surprise, a smiley face stared back at me. It really makes you want to smile too! In fact, I was so excited that I took a picture. BJ just giggled at me. I think he said, "are you serious?" I can't even imagine the emotion I'll feel when it's an actual positive on a pregnancy test, but now begins the waiting game...

Am I emotional?

I officially started taking Clomid on July 8th. The doctor's instructions had been for me to take one pill, twice daily. I realized I didn't really know what that meant. So I woke up and took one pill, and then called the doctor to ask when I should take the second. The office called back to tell me I could have taken both together. Why wouldn't the instructions have been two pills, once daily. Arg! I was frustrated. It didn't help that we had family arrive in town and my mind wandered from the world of infertility, thus I almost forgot to take the second. The entire thing was making me grouchy. Anyway, for five days I took the ten pills I was prescribed each day at 8:30 am and 9:17 pm. The nurse said I should take them at the same time each day.

Today is Day 10 of my cycle and is the day that I'm to begin my daily ovulation tests. We traveled home from Boise today and I didn't feel I was able to perform the test in airport bathrooms, so I wasn't able to take it until after 2 pm. The result for the first day was negative.

Needless to say, I'm feeling emotional. I found out that yet another friend is pregnant and they hadn't really tried to get pregnant. Good for them I suppose, it gets harder and harder to feel happy for the future parents of the world.

I'm reading a book a friend suggested and really enjoying it, "Bringing Home Daisy." I really feel a connection with the author, as she tells her story of infertility. I even find myself crying as I read about her struggles. Of course, it's hard to tell if this is just regular ol' emotional Kelly or perhaps one of the possible side effects of Clomid.

The warnings also indicate that dizziness and hot flashes are possible. I don't know that I really feel any different...

As my dad recently shared, I guess I'm just crossing my fingers, toes, and eyes right now that we are pregnant soon!

Anxious...

Well, since my last blog I've completed a few more assessments. I had to go and give blood, which I'm horrible at. Fortunately, Amanda had to complete her evaluation to check for gestational diabetes and she went along with me. It's always fun to kill two birds with one stone, and the nurses even took a picture of us toasting with our glucose drinks. Ha! :)

Since that time, I've heard from my doctor and all tests were normal. So, I guess my hormones aren't out of whack. At this point, she has officially prescribed Clomid. I will begin my first round at the onset of my next cycle. The doctor said that we'll attempt this for three cycles and then we'll have to do some other assessments. Part of me really wishes she hadn't told me this because I feel like it just gives me added pressure. I don't need that right now. I feel like my emotions are really all over the place right now. On one hand, I could be pregnant REALLY SOON! As long as we've been trying, it's sort of hard to take that all in. I don't even know how I'd feel to discover that I was pregnant. As much as I want this to happen, it's still super freaky to think I could actually be pregnant. On the other hand, what if this doesn't work? It stresses me out.

I really do want this so badly. I think BJ and I could be amazing parents, and I'm just ready for that opportunity.

Optomism after a long and frustrating journey...

My hubby and I have been attempting to get pregnant since June of 2007. I had contemplated the fact that this process might be a bit harder than he anticipated due to reproductive issues with my siblings. Part of me REALLY wanted to be the fertile mertile of the family, but deep down inside I knew that it most likely wouldn't be so, which leads to this blog. As I get older, I start to believe that there are moments in my life that I hope I'm able to convey to my own children. I hope they'll know how I felt and can make connections with experiences I've had in my own life. I thought maybe it would be appropriate to keep my feelings in a blog, a sort of log of the process that we had to go through to create them.



This past year has been pretty frustrating, and it honestly seems that EVERYONE I know is pregnant or just had a baby. It's probably important to point out that I often exaggerate, but at the same time, this is how I feel. Currently, I have three birth announcements that look me in the face every time I go to the refrigerator for a snack. Now I don't want to come across as an evil spirited individual, I'm very happy that my friends have been successful. I wouldn't wish infertility on anyone, but it's hard not to feel jealous, to want the same thing for myself at the very least. Not long ago, my husband and I decided to have a gathering of friends over and while I was at the store waiting to hear how much beer to purchase, he called to tell me another one of our friends was pregnant. I instantly became emotional, how could ANOTHER friend be pregnant? Thankfully I had received this news on my own and could process it before I saw my friend. I didn't want to appear unhappy for them. None the less, I just wanted it to be me so badly.



Unfortunately, I've had very little luck from my local OBGYN in getting any assistance with the pregnancy process. I've taken ovulation kits and kept logs of my temperatures, but it seems that medical officials won't talk to you until it's been a year since you've attempted to conceive. Fortunately, among all of my prego friends, I had one that had "gone over the river" to St. Louis to see a reproductive endocrinologist and told me that I should just bypass the local doctors and head west. I could not be more blessed to have this information.



So...this past Wednesday I had my first appointment with Dr. Keller at Washington University. I can't tell you how happy I am to be seeing someone who actually wants to hear my concerns! Thank god!!! BJ and I chatted with the resident who is working with the doctor for about half an hour; she went and spoke to the doctor, they both returned and the doctor said, "so you think you have an ovulatory problem?" I said, "yes, I do." She said, " I agree." In my mind, music began and angels swooped from the heavens. Can you see them? Ha! :) Anyway, she proceeded to tell me that she thinks I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Essentially what is happening is my body makes follicles but they get "trapped" in my ovaries and are never released. Another component is that my hormones are potentially all out of whack. She was hypothesizing that I have too much androgen (male hormone - yes you can giggle, I did) and too much insulin. I've given blood once and have to go in for a glucose test soon. I also had a vaginal ultrasound (weird) today and the nurse said that she could see bubbly ovaries that are characteristic of PCOS. The sort of look like a sack of marbles. Anyway, I have to go for the insulin test and if it's too high, I think they will prescribe a medication for that (Metaformin), but I'll most likely also be put on Clomid.



I truly wish with all my might that I had known this information about myself years ago. Not just because I want to be pregnant now, but because there are some other potential health concerns associated with this syndrome. I had never heard of PCOS and come to find out that one in ten women have it AND it is the most common infertility problem. If you're interested, check out this website for frequently asked questions about PCOS.



http://www.4woman.gov/FAQ/pcos.htm#a