Well, since my last blog I've completed a few more assessments. I had to go and give blood, which I'm horrible at. Fortunately, Amanda had to complete her evaluation to check for gestational diabetes and she went along with me. It's always fun to kill two birds with one stone, and the nurses even took a picture of us toasting with our glucose drinks. Ha! :)
Since that time, I've heard from my doctor and all tests were normal. So, I guess my hormones aren't out of whack. At this point, she has officially prescribed Clomid. I will begin my first round at the onset of my next cycle. The doctor said that we'll attempt this for three cycles and then we'll have to do some other assessments. Part of me really wishes she hadn't told me this because I feel like it just gives me added pressure. I don't need that right now. I feel like my emotions are really all over the place right now. On one hand, I could be pregnant REALLY SOON! As long as we've been trying, it's sort of hard to take that all in. I don't even know how I'd feel to discover that I was pregnant. As much as I want this to happen, it's still super freaky to think I could actually be pregnant. On the other hand, what if this doesn't work? It stresses me out.
I really do want this so badly. I think BJ and I could be amazing parents, and I'm just ready for that opportunity.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Monday, July 7, 2008
Optomism after a long and frustrating journey...
My hubby and I have been attempting to get pregnant since June of 2007. I had contemplated the fact that this process might be a bit harder than he anticipated due to reproductive issues with my siblings. Part of me REALLY wanted to be the fertile mertile of the family, but deep down inside I knew that it most likely wouldn't be so, which leads to this blog. As I get older, I start to believe that there are moments in my life that I hope I'm able to convey to my own children. I hope they'll know how I felt and can make connections with experiences I've had in my own life. I thought maybe it would be appropriate to keep my feelings in a blog, a sort of log of the process that we had to go through to create them.
This past year has been pretty frustrating, and it honestly seems that EVERYONE I know is pregnant or just had a baby. It's probably important to point out that I often exaggerate, but at the same time, this is how I feel. Currently, I have three birth announcements that look me in the face every time I go to the refrigerator for a snack. Now I don't want to come across as an evil spirited individual, I'm very happy that my friends have been successful. I wouldn't wish infertility on anyone, but it's hard not to feel jealous, to want the same thing for myself at the very least. Not long ago, my husband and I decided to have a gathering of friends over and while I was at the store waiting to hear how much beer to purchase, he called to tell me another one of our friends was pregnant. I instantly became emotional, how could ANOTHER friend be pregnant? Thankfully I had received this news on my own and could process it before I saw my friend. I didn't want to appear unhappy for them. None the less, I just wanted it to be me so badly.
Unfortunately, I've had very little luck from my local OBGYN in getting any assistance with the pregnancy process. I've taken ovulation kits and kept logs of my temperatures, but it seems that medical officials won't talk to you until it's been a year since you've attempted to conceive. Fortunately, among all of my prego friends, I had one that had "gone over the river" to St. Louis to see a reproductive endocrinologist and told me that I should just bypass the local doctors and head west. I could not be more blessed to have this information.
So...this past Wednesday I had my first appointment with Dr. Keller at Washington University. I can't tell you how happy I am to be seeing someone who actually wants to hear my concerns! Thank god!!! BJ and I chatted with the resident who is working with the doctor for about half an hour; she went and spoke to the doctor, they both returned and the doctor said, "so you think you have an ovulatory problem?" I said, "yes, I do." She said, " I agree." In my mind, music began and angels swooped from the heavens. Can you see them? Ha! :) Anyway, she proceeded to tell me that she thinks I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Essentially what is happening is my body makes follicles but they get "trapped" in my ovaries and are never released. Another component is that my hormones are potentially all out of whack. She was hypothesizing that I have too much androgen (male hormone - yes you can giggle, I did) and too much insulin. I've given blood once and have to go in for a glucose test soon. I also had a vaginal ultrasound (weird) today and the nurse said that she could see bubbly ovaries that are characteristic of PCOS. The sort of look like a sack of marbles. Anyway, I have to go for the insulin test and if it's too high, I think they will prescribe a medication for that (Metaformin), but I'll most likely also be put on Clomid.
I truly wish with all my might that I had known this information about myself years ago. Not just because I want to be pregnant now, but because there are some other potential health concerns associated with this syndrome. I had never heard of PCOS and come to find out that one in ten women have it AND it is the most common infertility problem. If you're interested, check out this website for frequently asked questions about PCOS.
http://www.4woman.gov/FAQ/pcos.htm#a
This past year has been pretty frustrating, and it honestly seems that EVERYONE I know is pregnant or just had a baby. It's probably important to point out that I often exaggerate, but at the same time, this is how I feel. Currently, I have three birth announcements that look me in the face every time I go to the refrigerator for a snack. Now I don't want to come across as an evil spirited individual, I'm very happy that my friends have been successful. I wouldn't wish infertility on anyone, but it's hard not to feel jealous, to want the same thing for myself at the very least. Not long ago, my husband and I decided to have a gathering of friends over and while I was at the store waiting to hear how much beer to purchase, he called to tell me another one of our friends was pregnant. I instantly became emotional, how could ANOTHER friend be pregnant? Thankfully I had received this news on my own and could process it before I saw my friend. I didn't want to appear unhappy for them. None the less, I just wanted it to be me so badly.
Unfortunately, I've had very little luck from my local OBGYN in getting any assistance with the pregnancy process. I've taken ovulation kits and kept logs of my temperatures, but it seems that medical officials won't talk to you until it's been a year since you've attempted to conceive. Fortunately, among all of my prego friends, I had one that had "gone over the river" to St. Louis to see a reproductive endocrinologist and told me that I should just bypass the local doctors and head west. I could not be more blessed to have this information.
So...this past Wednesday I had my first appointment with Dr. Keller at Washington University. I can't tell you how happy I am to be seeing someone who actually wants to hear my concerns! Thank god!!! BJ and I chatted with the resident who is working with the doctor for about half an hour; she went and spoke to the doctor, they both returned and the doctor said, "so you think you have an ovulatory problem?" I said, "yes, I do." She said, " I agree." In my mind, music began and angels swooped from the heavens. Can you see them? Ha! :) Anyway, she proceeded to tell me that she thinks I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Essentially what is happening is my body makes follicles but they get "trapped" in my ovaries and are never released. Another component is that my hormones are potentially all out of whack. She was hypothesizing that I have too much androgen (male hormone - yes you can giggle, I did) and too much insulin. I've given blood once and have to go in for a glucose test soon. I also had a vaginal ultrasound (weird) today and the nurse said that she could see bubbly ovaries that are characteristic of PCOS. The sort of look like a sack of marbles. Anyway, I have to go for the insulin test and if it's too high, I think they will prescribe a medication for that (Metaformin), but I'll most likely also be put on Clomid.
I truly wish with all my might that I had known this information about myself years ago. Not just because I want to be pregnant now, but because there are some other potential health concerns associated with this syndrome. I had never heard of PCOS and come to find out that one in ten women have it AND it is the most common infertility problem. If you're interested, check out this website for frequently asked questions about PCOS.
http://www.4woman.gov/FAQ/pcos.htm#a
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