A Day to be Thankful! *19 weeks, 1 day*

Well, to say that I started the day off feeling very tense is an understatement. Last night I found myself intermitently crying at the thought of hearing something I didn't want to hear today. I maintained control on the drive to St. Mary's, but as we got closer I could feel my stress level rising. I realized when we were about two blocks from St. Mary's that we had been given no instructions on where we needed to go upon arrival (i.e., building, floor, etc.). I found a map in my packet which listed the imagining center in Building B. I figured it was a place to start. We parked the car and the confusion began. Random people in the lobby were assisting people with directions, and I say random because they didn't appear to be employees (this particular woman asked what type of ultrasound I was having and also wanted to know if I was pregnant...was all of this really her business?). We found our way to the second floor, and again I felt my anxiousness rising as there were signs on the walls posting genetic testing and counseling. Ugh! In my mind I thought, the doctors said they weren't concerned about this and now I'm in a place with walls plastered with genetic information. We went to sign-in and a sign was posted someone would return at 1:00. Well...our appointment was for 1:00, but the information we had said we needed to arrive at 12:30 to fill out paperwork. More confusion. I found a nurse and she said we needed to be in yet another location to register. We headed for the elevators, and I couldn't fight it anymore...tears! I told BJ I couldn't help it because I was so tense and the lack of communication was stressing me out. We filled out the paperwork and I cried. The woman in registration was trying to assist by telling me that everything would be ok and not to worry. I appreciated her efforts, but I really didn't want to hear it. I wanted to cry and just release all that stress.

So...we then went back to the 2nd floor and waited...and waited...and waited. Considering they returned from lunch at 1 and our appointment was at 1, I just assumed we'd get in quickly. They came to get us from the waiting room at about 1:25. Finally! Our technician wasn't super personable, you could tell she was an "all business" kind of gal. At one point when I laughed, she told me to hold still. I quickly learned that a Level II did not mean "more detailed" as in a better visual or picture, but rather more scientific in nature. This was not one of those cutesy 20 week ultrasounds where you leave with a picture of a foot, a picture of a hand, a cute little profile....rather we were immediately looking at the parts of the brain, the folds on the back of the neck, the length of the nose, the spine, the kidneys, chambers of the heart, etc. Now, don't get me wrong, I want to know this information too, but I feel sort of disappointed. I have friends with sweet little profiles of their babies and we just didn't get that. Rather we received one picture that included a straight on picture of Baby T with some big ol' glaring eyes! Honestly, I said, "sort of creepy" when I saw it. In general, Baby T wanted nothing to do with this appointment. Baby T had wide open eyes, arms closed, and legs closed tightly! All of that says to me, "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

During the appointment, Mr. Thomason (aka, Daddy) changed his mind and decided he wanted to know the gender. However, if you noticed above...those little legs were closed tightly. The technician said she wasn't sure, but did make a guess. We're not telling right now. Perhaps we'll have another ultrasound for some reason to confirm.

Regarding the cyst, the technician told us she couldn't see anything and would go get the doctor. Now this was slightly concerning because we were told the doctor is not called unless there is a problem. The doctor came in and she even showed us the point of entry of the umbilical cord and she followed along it's path as far as she could. She said she could not see anything, but seemed slightly annoyed that she hadn't been sent pictures from the other doctors as a reference to where it had been seen. In her opinion, there is nothing there and said she could have set our minds at ease some time ago! Oh well. At least it is gone, and they did not see any other concerns. Thank goodness! I can't even express how much pressure has been taken off my shoulders! I feel like I can finally breathe. It's been such a long wait, and I'm so glad the cyst is GONE!!!

What a day!!! *19 weeks*

Today when I got home from work we had three messages on our voicemail, which is rare because we typically just give people our cell numbers. One of the three was a message from our doctor letting me know that I was NEGATIVE for Cystic Fibrosis! Woohoo! I had a test come back negative! Yes! At least that is one less thing to worry about!

Also, I've been concerned about where we were going to take little Baby T when I return to work in the fall. You hear so many horror stories about daycare providers, and I just wanted to find someone that would care for Baby T as if they were their own. One of our neighbors who lives directly across the street has an in-home daycare and we'd contemplated this as an option for quite some time. I'd gotten more nervous recently as I watched people carrying carriers into their house each morning when I'd leave for work. So, today when I got home from work I asked BJ if he would want to run across the street and even see if this was still an option. Baby T would be one of four kiddos all of them relatively young. She won't require us to pay on holidays, nor for my time off from school (summer break included). This is a pretty big deal as most places make you pay, which makes sense since this is their income. She keeps logs of when she changes diapers and when the babies are fed. She said she provides what she would want for her own kids. So happy! It's going to be so convenient to take Baby T across the street each morning, and also know they will be with someone that we have come to know relatively well.

Let's hope tomorrow is just as positive a day! :)

Movement??? *18 weeks, 1 day*

I had another monthly appointment today. They had asked if I had felt the baby move and I couldn't really report that I had. Following my appointment, I went grocery shopping and noticed this persistent feeling in my lower abdomen every few seconds. It's hard to explain what it felt like, maybe like when you're nervous before a big event and you feel butterflies in your stomach. It only lasted a few minutes in length. I'm not even 100% sure that is what I was feeling. I'll be waiting for more movement. I was able to hear the baby's heart beat again today. It was 160 beats per minute. It's always reassuring to hear that sound especially in these days when I don't really feel pregnant. Of course, the growing buldge in my belly is a constant reminder. :)

The Level II is just one week away. I asked the nurse practitioner today if the technician will be able to tell us if they see anything on my umbilical cord. She said they are not supposed to share that information, but if there was something of concern then a doctor at St. Mary's would come in to talk to us. Otherwise, we'll be waiting to hear back from the local doctor. I'm just so very eager to find out if it is there for not. I'm still hoping it is long gone and I can put these worries behind me.

All the results of my blood test, despite the elevated white blood cell count, came back normal. They weren't able to tell me the results of the cystic fibrosis testing, but I'm hoping to hear back on that in the near future. I'll give blood again later this month to see if the infection is gone and my white blood cell count is back to normal.

I'd felt some concerns with our doctor, especially regarding communication, and I shared them today. I do believe those concerns were heard and addressed. It made me feel better about things, and I think for now we'll stick with this doctor.

Blah!!!

It's amazing to me that just yesterday I was thinking about life in general, and the fact that at this point next year I'll have a 6 month old in my life! It's completely surreal and I'm not sure I'm able to fully grasp what that will be like. In fact, I think about how different things will be. Even as I put away Christmas decorations today I found myself taking more care in doing so than I have in years past in an attempt to be as organized as possible since they'll be a little person that will require attention during the process next year.

While wrapping up snowmen, the phone rang and it was Dr. Midkiff's Office. Honestly sometimes I look at the number and think, "what do they want?" I'm sort of bitter right now anyway because I don't always feel like I'm getting the individualized and personal experience that I want and think I deserve. In the back of my mind I was hoping that they were calling to remind me of my appointment this coming Wednesday (1/7), although I also recognized that the phone call would have been a bit premature for their typical reminders. It was the nurse calling to let me know they received the results of my blood test and my white cell count is off. She wanted to know if I had been sick when I went in for the test. I told her that I hadn't been to my knowledge. This isn't the first frustrating phone call that I've received, as a couple weeks ago they called to tell me they found bacteria in my urine. Upon some questioning I was informed that this was a urinary tract infection and I had to take a round of antibiotics. Apparently these are relatively common during pregnancy and I was told that all would be okay, although these infections can cause pre-term labor. The nurse today said that perhaps the white cell count was indicating that I still have the urinary tract infection. I'll take another urine test at my appointment this week.

It's just so frustrating to continuously feel like there is always something else wrong. I realize that at this point, I don't have any valid reason for being upset, but I just want a "normal" pregnancy. I don't think that's too much to ask. The part that is always somewhat amusing to me is that when I ask the nurse on the phone questions, they act as if I'm wanting to know how it impacts me. Seriously? My thoughts are always immediately drawn to how it could ultimately impact the baby. Ugh!

Our level 2 sonogram is looming in the near future and is causing me to be tense. I find myself walking through the house chanting in my mind, "it will be gone" in regard to the cyst. I need it to be gone for my own peace of mind. I try SO hard not to let all these medical things get to me, but it's so scary to think of there being something wrong with the baby. I'm anxious to just see Baby T again. It also worries me that the technician won't be able to tell us what they see on 1/14 during the level 2 and we'll have to wait to hear the results when I'm back with my local doctor two weeks later. I can recognize that patience isn't my best virtue, but I'm really aching for answers right now. I guess you don't really know everything is as it should be until the baby is here. Of course, afterward I have a lifetime of worries ahead of me. I've always known I'll do anything I can to help ensure the health and safety of my child, but it's so hard right now when I have no control.