Pins and Needles

I'm not sure whether there is a direct correlation with my pregnancy efforts and others getting pregnant, or if I am just more sensitive to these occurrences when I am actually trying. Seriously, EVERYONE is pregnant and it's making me more anxious. Of course, I am super happy for all of them, but there is this twisting in my stomach that makes me feel jealous too. I want it to be me! Again...patience...not my best virtue, but a completely necessary one. Last night I was looking at pictures of Silas as a baby and it made my heart ache. I can't wait to have another little bundle to hold and watch grow. As stressful as parenthood is, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Sometimes I am truly amazed by the love inside me as I watch Silas do something new for the first time or when he is just being absolutely goofy. That kid sure does make me laugh. He'll be a great big brother.

Despite my jealousy to join my pregger friends, I must say that I think it will be totally cool to be pregnant with them! Probably the most amazing story is that of my friends Beth and Jon. They have two little boys both via IVF and just found out they are pregnant naturally with their third. So amazing and crazy all at the same time! Baby 2 is going to have some fun friends to play with.

It's a few more days before I get to take a pregnancy test or start my period. I gave blood this past week to check my progesterone levels which is a story in itself. It was open house night at the high school and some co-workers and I were going to dinner in between the normal work day and the evening activities. They dropped me off to give blood and I realized I didn't have an ID or health insurance card. They said they couldn't draw my blood unless they had my health insurance card. Fortunately, I ran across the hall to Dr. Midkiff's office and they were able to give me a copy. I was a frantic mess. I told the secretary she was truly my hero for the day and had done her good deed of the day. So thankful.

Dr. Keller's office called and said my progesterone levels were 4.6 and above 3 is ovulatory. Unfortunately, they like to see a level 10 if taking Clomid, so they said I could be pregnancy or they'll up my dosage the next round.

I'm fearful I'll be upset again if this isn't the month. We got pregnant with Silas on month 2. I'm trying to be realistic, but I'm ready for this to happen. Until something happens I'll just be waiting on pins and needles...