Mother's Day

Today is Day 10 of bed rest which has left me with plenty of time to reflect on soon-t0-be motherhood. It's amazing to me how much you can care about someone who you've never even met. While this has given me a chance to think about all the fun and exciting things that the future holds, it is also difficult to not worry about all the things that could go wrong. I truly want Baby T to be born with every opportunity to have a happy and healthy life. The anticipation of seeing him and knowing that he has developed appropriately just seems to be mounting these days. I'm so ready for him to be here, even though I know that he is where he should be and needs this time for all his little systems to grow and improve.

We've had lots of support from friends and family through this process, especially our parents. They've made numerous trips and phone calls to check up on all of us. Nana Jennings came and stayed with us for a few days and made food for after Baby T's arrival. It was nice having her here, not just for the help, but also for the company. She got to go with me for one emergency hospital trip because Baby T's kick counts were too low and also for my reguarly weekly check up.

These emergency trips are truly the most stressful, and fills you with a bit of fear and excitement. Of course, fear, that something could be wrong; but also excitement that maybe this process could start moving faster if necessary. Once again everything was fine, and I think that Baby T may be giving me a taste of our future. We get to the hospital and he just kicks away. It's been interesting meeting some of the nurses, as it is truly them that will be helping me through the delivery process. I've actually been impressed with all but one. My mom got to be present for the one I didn't like. On this particular day, Baby T's heart rate was fluctuating up and down and she asked me if my baby had been diagnosed with arrythmia. Seriously? Another thing to worry about? *sigh* I tried not to take her too seriously though, as this had never been mentioned previously and I just had this vibe that she wasn't the most experienced nurse I had worked with. I was reassured of this today during a routine NST, as the heart rate fluctuated the same so I asked to see what this nurse had to say. She showed me the charts that they monitor which showed that when Baby T kicks, his heart rate goes up and then returns to normal. She said it was just like when we increase activity then our heart rate goes up and then returns to normal. Sure makes sense to me.

At my weekly appointment, we talked with Dr. Midkiff about a set date for induction so that I could have a goal in sight. The other concern is that Sienna is having her third, and final, heart surgery on May 19th in Peoria which means Papa and Nana J will be required to be in two cities at once for very big events in our lives right now. For now, she said we would shoot for May 20th which would be one day past my 37th week. I was disappointed because she said that mothers with preeclampsia are not allowed out of bed to use alternatives for assisting the birthing process (i.e., walking, birth ball, etc.). She said that I would be induced using pitocin. Should my cervix not be softened then I'd have to come in and have cervadel used to soften my cervix first. I also expressed concerns wtih the use of an epidural, but my fear at this point is that this might be my only possibility considering I won't have other methods at hand to work through the pain. I figure I need to just be open minded and see how it goes. It's so hard to really have a handle on things when you have no prior knowledge.

Honestly, I'm pretty fearful about the whole process at this point. I've never had any kind of illness that required even staying in the hospital. I know BJ will be there for me though, and I have to trust the hospital staff. I also have to keep telling myself that the end result is Baby T FINALLY being here! It won't be long now!