Blah!!!

It's amazing to me that just yesterday I was thinking about life in general, and the fact that at this point next year I'll have a 6 month old in my life! It's completely surreal and I'm not sure I'm able to fully grasp what that will be like. In fact, I think about how different things will be. Even as I put away Christmas decorations today I found myself taking more care in doing so than I have in years past in an attempt to be as organized as possible since they'll be a little person that will require attention during the process next year.

While wrapping up snowmen, the phone rang and it was Dr. Midkiff's Office. Honestly sometimes I look at the number and think, "what do they want?" I'm sort of bitter right now anyway because I don't always feel like I'm getting the individualized and personal experience that I want and think I deserve. In the back of my mind I was hoping that they were calling to remind me of my appointment this coming Wednesday (1/7), although I also recognized that the phone call would have been a bit premature for their typical reminders. It was the nurse calling to let me know they received the results of my blood test and my white cell count is off. She wanted to know if I had been sick when I went in for the test. I told her that I hadn't been to my knowledge. This isn't the first frustrating phone call that I've received, as a couple weeks ago they called to tell me they found bacteria in my urine. Upon some questioning I was informed that this was a urinary tract infection and I had to take a round of antibiotics. Apparently these are relatively common during pregnancy and I was told that all would be okay, although these infections can cause pre-term labor. The nurse today said that perhaps the white cell count was indicating that I still have the urinary tract infection. I'll take another urine test at my appointment this week.

It's just so frustrating to continuously feel like there is always something else wrong. I realize that at this point, I don't have any valid reason for being upset, but I just want a "normal" pregnancy. I don't think that's too much to ask. The part that is always somewhat amusing to me is that when I ask the nurse on the phone questions, they act as if I'm wanting to know how it impacts me. Seriously? My thoughts are always immediately drawn to how it could ultimately impact the baby. Ugh!

Our level 2 sonogram is looming in the near future and is causing me to be tense. I find myself walking through the house chanting in my mind, "it will be gone" in regard to the cyst. I need it to be gone for my own peace of mind. I try SO hard not to let all these medical things get to me, but it's so scary to think of there being something wrong with the baby. I'm anxious to just see Baby T again. It also worries me that the technician won't be able to tell us what they see on 1/14 during the level 2 and we'll have to wait to hear the results when I'm back with my local doctor two weeks later. I can recognize that patience isn't my best virtue, but I'm really aching for answers right now. I guess you don't really know everything is as it should be until the baby is here. Of course, afterward I have a lifetime of worries ahead of me. I've always known I'll do anything I can to help ensure the health and safety of my child, but it's so hard right now when I have no control.